Thursday, October 30, 2008


Sunday School

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break the fker in half'' The Teacher fainted.

Saturday, October 25, 2008


According to a recent news report, a certain private school in Manchester was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips on the mirror, leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the caretaker would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally, the headmaster decided something had to be done. He called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the caretaker. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the caretaker, who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirror, he asked the caretaker to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
(There are teachers….and then there are educators.)

Thursday, October 16, 2008


one of those long days you have when you're a student with nothing better to do, me and my flatmate decided to get pissed. we didn't fancy wine so we got big £2.99 3 litre bottles of strongbow instead. we drank one each, got pissed and got that kind of yellow-bearded-westcountry-hippy-melancholy you get when you drink cider.
the next day we both needed poops and my flatmate found his ass was bleeding. it wouldn't stop. he had to go to the doctor and phone his mum who informed him that cider does make your ass bleed, especially if you drink lots of it.
my fate? i just got piles.